It's Been A Minute...

Wow. I just re-read my post about the birth of our babies from July 2007. What an incredible two plus years it has been. Life and death. Life and death. The Circle of Life and death always continues.

*We miss you brother Antonio Xavier Benjamin*

Now, here I am. I begged for just one. I was blessed with two. Two beautiful, healthy, amazing, amazing little beings with big big spirits. How can I be so selfish to want another? How can I be so crazy to want to put myself (and my friends and family) through the torment once again? With all of the risks, why does my heart still say Yes? My heart is not domineering with its opinion. Rather it whispers Yes. Steadfast, it whispers, Yes. While my head screams NO! NO! NO! My heart gently whispers Yes.

I have tried to reason with my heart. I am so blessed. It will be really really hard. What if, what if, what if...but my heart still calmly whispers Yes. It reminds me that I would not want to carry the burden of such a huge regret. It tells me that somehow, someway, we would do it. It shows me in my dreams.

I wish I was ok with other options. But I'm not. I am far from perfect but, for the most part, I know what I know. Which is not much at all. But I know what I feel.

My heart supports me.
The Universe does too.
Leap
of FAITH.