The Circle of Life

My last post on Ji and the City was about death.



This one is about Life.



I am sure my three former fans of Jiandtheicty are long gone and now reading some other fabulous blog. But the urge to blog hath arisen in me once again - at least for today.



Since my last post, big things have happened. Perhaps the "biggest" thing of all. Life. Just hours before Frantz passed into the next realm, Ji's son and daughter were conceived. Yes, there is now a baby boy Ji and baby girl Ji. And I must say, I've never seen anything quite so mindblowingly remarkable. They are fab-u-lous, amazing, precious, sweet, sweet, sweet...



One might wonder how I know exactly when the Ji babies were conceived. Modern medicine is grand isn't it? Round up to six long years. Yep, that's how long our baby-making battle took. There were losses. Losses of pregnancies, losses of dignity, losses of caring about ones own health, losses of hope. And, really, what is worse than lost hope? There were endless doctors visits, shots, surgeries, tears. There were so, so many tears. But in the end, now the beginning, we are the lucky ones. There are way too many others who don't have the luck we had. Way too many. There is no fairness. It's a seemingly random and cruel lottery. The IVF lottery, that is.



The last time I saw Frantz was on September 16, 2006. We went to a friend's birthday party in the village. That night I was to start my Lupron for what would be our fifth and successful IVF cycle. For those of you who are not familiar with Lupron, be glad. Be very glad. So, like the junkie that I was, I shot up in the car before we went to the restaurant.



At one point during the evening, Frantz wanted to speak with me alone. He, like many of our friends, knew about our struggle to have a baby. Frantz had a deep understanding of the pain caused by our battle. He always believed we would have a baby. So, this night he took me aside. Frantz had recently been traveling in Europe for some art exhibits. He told me that while he was in Barcelona, he went to his favorite chapel and lit a candle for us. He took me by the shoulders, looked me directly in the eyes and said that I would be pregnant within the year. My cynical, defeated self responded by saying that was nice but would I actually have a baby? I'd been pregnant twice before but still had no baby. He ignored my cynicism and said that I would have a baby within the year and that it would be a girl. He said it with absolute conviction.



Frantz died in the early morning hours of Oct. 10, 2006. Our babies were conceived just hours before on October 9, 2006. I was never able to speak with Frantz again. But we have communicated. He helped us get through an extremely difficult pregnancy.



I went on complete bedrest at my 17th week of pregnancy. I was at serious risk of pre-term labor and of losing our babies. To say that I was scared would be quite an understatement. After that long and draining day at the hospital, when we were told of our risk - I heard Frantz. As clear as day, he told me, "Don't worry - I got this!" Yes, I realize how crazy this sounds. But I'm sorry, it's true. Frantz knew it would be ok.



Our babies were born June 5, 2007 at 36 weeks. Healthy and amazing. There was a time we prayed that I would make it to 24 weeks (the point of viability) and then to 28 weeks, 29, 30 and on and on. Thankfully, with the prayers of many - and the help of Frantz we surpassed our hopes. Thank you Spirits. ThankyouThankyouThankyou...ForeverandeverThankyou.


I drafted the majority of this post when I was still very sleep deprived in July and have just looked at it again now in December. Our babes are now six months old and somehow get more and more amazing with each day. The joy that they bring to our hearts and spirits is not quantifiable. I am happier than I have ever been. They are true miracles. We are blessed. We are blessed. We are so, so blessed.